An Invitation to Parents & Guardians

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a letter from Mike Roth

Dear Pearl Parents & Guardians,

Every August, our Oversight Team members take a Sunday to share their hearts for Pearl. As I considered what I wanted to share this year, I kept coming back to kids and youth. In particular, I wanted to share my hope to provide a safe place where kids and youth can be positively shaped by the kind of Christian life that we’re nurturing at Pearl. But then I wondered, is Pearl that kind of place? This question led me to ask my eldest son, Asher, if he had any interest in joining me upfront on a Sunday to talk about his life at Pearl. My thinking was, he should know how Pearl is shaping kids because he’s spent his entire 19 years of life at Pearl. In all transparency, when I asked him if he had any interest in doing this I was expecting a hearty, “No way!” To my delight I was shocked by his response: “I’d love to; I love Pearl.” You can listen to the entirety of our conversation here, but in short, Asher explained that his life-long participation at Pearl, especially his exposure to the embodiment of Pearl’s values in the lives of people at Pearl, has given shape to who he is today, for which he is truly thankful.

Spending time reflecting on my conversation with Asher, a theoretical idea that I have been pondering about the importance of participation in a religious community has bloomed into something that now looks more like excitement and conviction. This beautiful community that we’re a part of is truly good for the development of kids and youth.

A Few Thoughts

Here are a few thoughts on why I think that is…

First, religion exists to hold people together, which is really important for human flourishing. The word “religion” comes from the Latin word religare. Religare is a combination of two Latin words: re for “back” and ligare for “to bind.” To bind together. This is a primary purpose of religion: to help hold humans, individually and collectively, together. According to Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, this binding together is a unique result of religion because, “Religion teaches us that we are part of the whole, a thread in the fabric of God’s creation, a note in the symphony of life” (The Great Partnership). To help hold us in this wholeness, religion has age-old mechanisms that have stood the test of time such as regular gatherings; praying, singing, and reciting liturgy together; a calendar year marked by seasons and feasts; ongoing discussion around a sacred text; meal sharing; acts of service; etc. It’s these aspects of religious life that function as glue, which binds us together in communal life.

Second, these various aspects of religious life that I have just mentioned not only hold us together but they help us to understand the world and our place in it. Now, as a Christian parent at Pearl you may be wondering, “Is Christianity the best religious experience for raising my child?” It’s an important question. As a church committed to being deeply, yet humbly, Christian, we highly regard every religious tradition that evokes human flourishing. It’s true, many religious traditions exist that could benefit your family. Yet, I’m realizing that what is more important than finding the best religious experience for raising a child is, simply the presence of religious life. Richard Rohr explains it well in his classic book, Falling Upward:

… the task of the first half of life is to create a proper container for one’s life and answer the first essential questions: “What makes me significant?” “How can I support myself?” And “Who will go with me?” The task of the second half of life is, quite simply, to find the actual contents that this container was meant to hold and deliver.

Applying this thought to parenting, children benefit from being given a religious container to answer fundamental questions about life. Then, after growing up, they will go on the necessary developmental journey of discerning their own adult answers to essential questions about life. It’s possible that as an adult, the Christian answers they grew up with will become their own. It’s also possible that as an adult, they find different answers that work better for them. The gift that we’re able to give our children now is not perfect answers to fundamental questions that will work for their entire lives. Rather, the gift is giving our children a container with good answers that work for now and can be wrestled with, in their own unique and individualized way, later.

A final reason for why I think participation in religious life is important for kids and youth is religion’s focus on nurturing spirituality. The word “spiritual” refers to the non-material and non-physical aspects of our human existence. For example, awe, wonder, gratitude, mercy, forgiveness, and the development of character and convictions. These spiritual aspects of human existence are significant and they need ongoing attention to become a meaningful part of our humanity. Unfortunately, the nurturing of spirituality is tragically neglected in many of our human experiences. In the book Build the Life You Want, Arthur Brooks applies scientific findings to explain human happiness. In a chapter on faith his findings support the importance of intentional spirituality, “… spiritual experiences have a deep scientific basis to them, and transcendental experiences provide us with important information about life we cannot get in any other way. Getting these experiences, however, takes effort and commitment.” At Pearl, we want to partner with you in nurturing the spiritual aspects of life, which is, truly, a good gift that we can give to our children.

A Few Challenges

Today we parents face an unholy trinity that makes participation in religious life difficult, which is: post-modernity, post-pandemic, and post-Christianity. To be clear, I’m not against post-modernity. I am very much a product of post-modernity and I have benefited from its criticism of thoughts and structures. However, like any other cultural development, post-modernity has its deficits. A primary deficit is its inability to re-construct thoughts and structures in a timely manner to fill the void of that which it tears down.

The second “person” of this unholy trinity could be called “post-pandemic.” During the pandemic we lost almost all structure. Many adults stopped going to work, many kids stopped going to school, and most of our social commitments came to a screeching halt. For a while, many of us felt relief. The pandemic helped us to realize that we were going too fast and attempting too much. However, we have also come to realize that we desperately need some structure and commitments to prosper. As we are transitioning out of the pandemic, the overwhelm of structures and commitments established by employers and those in charge of kids’ activities leaves little room for parents to ask invaluable questions such as: After school and work, what do we want our evenings and weekends to look like? Out of all the opportunities available to us, which opportunities can help us to create rhythms that cultivate flourishing?

The final “person” of this unholy trinity is post-Christianity. Many people today do not see value in religious life. Of course, parents who attend Pearl are not post-Christian. Pearl parents are more likely, cautiously Christian. In other words, Christians who are pondering the goodness and use of an intentionally Christian life. The result of this, especially as it’s impacted by post-modernity and post-pandemic, has the effect of limited participation or every once in a while participation at church.

A Few Invitations

Outside of this unholy trinity is our Christian mystery of Trinity. This mystery gestures toward the gift of loving relationship, and it invites us to deepen into life together. Life together. That’s what I want to invite you into more deeply.

As we head into this new school year I warmly invite you into more regular participation at Pearl. To be clear, I am not hoping for or expecting perfect attendance. Rather, I want to invite you into participation that is regular enough to allow Pearl to truly be a partner with you in creating rhythms that give meaningful shape to your family’s life.

Over the course of this new school year we are trying to better support parents in the following ways:

  • Childcare for most of our after-church offerings.

  • Educational Evenings and Book Discussions that are intentional to support you in your rearing of kids.

  • Throughout the school year we will have a couple Home Groups that are intentionally kid-friendly so that parents can join and connect.

  • Throughout each Home Group term we plan to provide a Parent Connect on Saturday mornings for parents and kids to spend time together.

I warmly invite you to participate in these offerings.

As we head into this new school year I want to also warmly invite you to volunteer in our kids and youth offerings. We have amazing coordinators who I am thrilled for your child to regularly engage with. However, having parent involvement not only lightens our coordinators’ work but it also communicates to our children an important truth: A tribe of humans exist at Pearl who care about you very much. This was one of the most meaningful lessons that my son Asher absorbed during his years at Pearl, which meant a lot to him. Involvement also helps you as a parent to see first hand what your child’s experience is like and we value your feedback.

A Few Commitments

Of course, if you’re going to make an effort to consistently participate in something as a family, it’s important that the thing you participate in is truly good. In this section I want to make a few commitments to you about Pearl Church.

Our Rhythms

Pearl Church is committed to to intentionally cultivating three rhythms, which could also be called “containers for meaning,” that will help your child to answer some of their most essential questions about life:

Being shaped by a sacred story: The scriptures tell a story about a benevolent Creator who is wooing creation out of chaos and into abounding life. According to this story, this generous and self-giving Creator is embodied in Jesus, whose life, death, and resurrection reveal the way of God’s lovingkindness in the world. As a community rooted in Christianity, this sacred story casts our vision—it shapes our language, orients our hearts, and directs the ways that we mark our days and live out our lives here on earth.

Sharing together at a common table: Near the pinnacle of our sacred story is a scene in which Jesus gathers his disciples around a table. At this table are both followers and betrayers, yet Jesus shares a meal with them all. He breaks bread and pours wine and says, “This is me, for you.” Sharing at a common table reminds us that God sustains everything, includes everyone, and is drawing us all together to feast as one. It facilitates a way of living that recognizes God’s sustenance, makes room for others, and urges us toward generosity and self-giving.

Being animated by divine love: Shaped by a sacred story and sharing at a common table, we are awakening to God, who is love. As we awaken to divine love, we grow and are transformed—for this love evokes human flourishing. Love frees us to create, to forgive, and to participate in the sacred work of cultivating life in this world. Love animates generous living, proclaims news that is truly good, and culminates in God’s dream of peace in a world integrated by divine love.

Our Values

Pearl Church is committed to cultivating these rhythms in accordance with values that we believe to be truly good:

  • Equity: Jesus’ way of love subverted stigmas and opened access in his day—access to community, daily bread, healing, justice, and even God’s own self. We therefore value equity. We grieve unfairness and barriers in our society and in our own body. We seek to upend, re-envision, and reconstruct systems in order to help foster voice, volition, and access.

  • Gratitude: Jesus lived life in surrender and gratitude before the one in whom he moved and breathed and had his being. We therefore value this posture of living—in humble surrender and joyful gratitude before the ground of our being.

  • Inclusion: Jesus crossed all kinds of borders and barriers, especially to include the outcast and irreligious. We therefore value making room to include a diversity of backgrounds, views, and convictions, and especially those who are marginalized.

  • Integration: Jesus was present to every person and every moment—from the innocent to the unnoticed, from the wilderness to the cross. He knew that even the outcast, even shadows, have a place. We therefore value embracing every person and engaging every moment, trusting that everything belongs.

  • Peace: Through generous life and sacrificial death, Jesus revealed a way of being in the world that culminates in the end of violence, brokenness, and suffering. We therefore value all that promotes peace in every form—personal, interpersonal, national, global, even cosmic.

  • Renewal: Jesus facilitated renewal through acts of justice, mercy, healing, and love. This renewal is personal—it is also relational, societal, and ecological. We therefore value renewing, because renewal of any kind is participation with God, who is making all things new.

  • Transformation: Jesus opened the eyes of the blind, raised the dead to life, and spoke of being born anew. He exhorted all to grow, and his death and rising embodies the pattern of God’s transformational activity in the world. We therefore value awakening, transforming, and becoming truly living beings.

Our Non-Violent Theology

Pearl Church is committed to non-violent and non-dominion theology. Our safety policy includes a statement about our approach to theology for children, which explains:

The stories that we tell and the lessons that we provide emphasize God’s love and inclusion for every part of every person. We believe that children—no matter their age or belief—belong to God and are held by God. We are intentional to avoid any form of violence in our stories and lessons, including violence found within the Bible.

Our Pedagogy

Pearl Church is committed to developmentally appropriate pedagogy for children. About our approach, our statement on pedagogy explains:

Pearl Church exists to express a sacred story and to extend a common table that animate life by love. This statement actually names our pedagogy for adults. I.e.: The loving story that we express and the inclusive table that we extend, animate our lives, by love. However, when it comes to kids, our pedagogy is necessarily reversed. We begin with experiences of love, move onto encounters of inclusion, so that by the time our children begin to sincerely engage the scriptures, their experiences of love and encounters with inclusion function as a lens through which they begin to interpret and make meaning of our sacred text. With this context in mind…

Toddlers & Preschoolers (2-3 years old), Coordinated by Heather Griffin
Developmentally speaking, children 2-3 years old are most deeply shaped by their experiences. Our pedagogy for this age-group therefore emphasizes ongoing experiences of Divine Love. In every story told, song sung, game played, and volunteer interaction, we intend for our toddlers and preschoolers to intentionally experience expressions of love.

Elementary (4-11 years old), Coordinated by Drew Andrews
Developmentally speaking, children 4-11 years old are most deeply shaped by their encounters. As our children age-out of the toddler/preschool class, our pedagogy for this age-group emphasizes ongoing encounters of common table. In every story told, song sung, game played, and volunteer interaction, we intend for our elementary children to intentionally encounter their own belonging as well as the belonging of “the other,” whoever that happens to be.

Youth (12-18 years old), Coordinated by Kylie Marble
Developmentally speaking, children 12-18 years old begin to transition from valuing concrete experiences and encounters to valuing abstract ideas. Having experienced love and having encountered inclusion over the course of their lives at Pearl, our pedagogy for this age-group begins to sincerely engage our sacred story. This story, however, is not simply read and discussed. Rather, it is interpreted through our youths’ deep knowing of love and inclusion, which function as a lens to discern the heart and pleasure of God, for today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. It’s my sincere hope that our shared life together supports your family’s flourishing for years to come.

With Much Care & Love,

Mike Roth, Ph.D. (he/him/his)
Theologian & Pastor–Pearl Church